I’m not really sure where to start, I know I need to at least post a quick update though as I’ve had many inquires about what’s been going on lately. There hasn’t been anything too major, just life in general. But when you look at it, life in general is often quite major and a miracle in and of itself. I won’t wax too eloquently for you here, entering into the third trimester of pregnancy has left me feeling full (no pun intended, yet that part is true too), however I often find it difficult to adequately express my ideas and emotions.
The 3rd Trimester!
The days are flying by, only 3 months now until our new baby girl arrives. Oh yes, another girl! I suppose I hadn’t even shared that wonderful news yet. Matt will be very out numbered, but we are extremely excited.
The second pregnancy (and I’m assuming all subsequent pregnancies) are just different from the first; there is no way around it. We are excited and can’t wait to meet the new addition to our family, but it’s just….different. Fewer fears, fewer things to purchase and prepare for (especially since we’re having another girl). Your time is already so consumed with the first child, you don’t have the luxury to sit and daydream like before, let alone make a quilt or cute little mobile. Being the second child myself, I never felt slighted growing up, but there was a substantial difference in the number of pictures of my brother versus me. Occasionally, he would joke about it and give me a bad time, but I tried not to hold it against my parents. I definitely don’t now and only pray this new child will be understanding. I keep telling myself if she really wants a quilt we’ll make one together when she’s older.
Being pregnant with L, I felt healthy, beautiful, and glowing. This pregnancy has been a little rough, and it’s been a struggle to feel pretty and pregnant rather than rundown and overweight. I try to start every day on a positive note and steer myself away from the stay-at-home-mom attire and routine. However more frequently than not it seems, I default to comfy (OK that’s way too nice of an adjective, more like frumpy) clothes, and due to fatigue and just feeling crummy, more children’s TV on in the background for L than I’d like to admit.
Don’t even get me started about my 4, yes 4, daily baby apps on my phone. I still appreciate them, but this round I often check just to see what week I’m in if someone asks and close out. I don’t have time for the supposed uplifting little tidbits, don’t care about the obscure disease that affects 2% of all pregnant women, and can’t even allow myself to think that there are actually people who truly get to take a “babymoon”. I almost threw my phone across the room when one day the first line started off, “Now that you’re well into your second trimester you’re probably feeling better than ever with fatigue and morning sickness far in the rear view mirror.” I just cried and wondered when I would ever feel like myself again.
The closest we’ve come to a babymoon was a trip out to Nebraska to visit the families in May and a long weekend to do a whirlwind tour of Washington DC last week. Both were great, but they were a far cry from a relaxing, romantic time with your spouse to reconnect and pamper yourself. No beachfront hotels with couples massages, more like getting puked on in a plane and sleeping 3 to a bed since an overtired toddler was having trouble sleeping in a new place.
Grateful in So Many Ways
But honestly, I have to say I love it, every minute of it – the vomiting not so much – but the rest of it I’d take any day. It’s our own little crazy paradise. I love my life, I love my husband, I love our daughters, I love our house, and I even love my pregnant body.
At the end of a sweltering day, walking miles upon miles to see our nation’s capitol in all of its glory, I found myself overwhelmed with a feeling of unworthiness. All of the sacrifices that have been given in so many ways for us to be able to live in freedom, peace, and our own pursuit of happiness. As we crawled into bed, ready for some relief, L only wanted to play or cry. I was exhausted and at wits end. Then before I knew it, she was sound asleep, curled up next to my husband, and I can feel the new baby starting to kick inside. Perfect.
That’s one thing that’s continually amazed me about parenthood, just like with labor, the bad times can seem so consuming and overwhelming one minute, then the next all it takes is for your child to smile at you, hold your hand, or tell you they love you and the last awful hours when you were just ready to give up have vanished. It’s all worth it; and beyond all reason you have a flash of insanity thinking, “I could have another kid.”
That’s pretty much where we are today, pregnant with our second child and even contemplating a third (depending on the day). We’ve had a busy but wonderful start to the summer. I am so grateful to be able to stay home with L; hit the pool or playground, do arts and crafts, or just sing and dance and be silly during the day. Evenings and weekends are even better since Matt’s home. I try not to take a moment for granted.
There are so many things I want to write and share – and several backed up projects and a few recipes I need to get posted. I will try to as time allows. But as mentioned in the last post, frankly my time and resources are being used elsewhere (family, sleeping, and eating). As much as I love the blog and as much work as I’ve put into getting it all setup and going, it’s still the last priority on my list. I know there will be a day in the future when I have more energy and free time to devote to all of this, but I also know that is not in the immediate future. When I first started out I tried to write multiple posts a week; then it dropped to weekly or a few a month during the end of my first pregnancy; after L was born my goal was once a month; since getting pregnant again, my aim is to keep the spam comments cleared out, security and plugins updated, and hopefully put up a post once a quarter if possible. It kind of saddens my heart just to see that actually in writing, but it’s the reality right now.
Thankfully, I am feeling much better now than I was at the beginning of the pregnancy. Most of the last several weeks have been pretty good, and I’ve been trying to catch up on things in between the aforementioned trips. I updated the site’s photo page and even completed L’s baby book, just shy of her 2nd birthday. Only about 10 months past my original goal, but I’m still counting it as a victory. Speaking of which, I better start looking for a book for the new baby, I’d like to have it finished before she heads off to college.
In between activities and baby prep, I’m looking forward to these final few months of rest and health and hope to be back online soon with much to share. Thank you so much for hanging in there with me and all of the continued traffic to older posts. I am still humbled to see all of the readers!